i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
