just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
