my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize