Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize