Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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