Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
