She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
