If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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