Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
