he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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