god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
