Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the condom got lost in my hair
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
