the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
