you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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