the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
