I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
