I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
