I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
