It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
