Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
