What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
