Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
