Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
