my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
