when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
