Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
