Umm I'm too high to move.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
