Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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