I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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