that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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