Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
