I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
