Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
