Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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