How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
