I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
