whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize