Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
