All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
