Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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