I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So apparently I’m into choking now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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