I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Randomize
