pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize