i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
