Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
