Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
