I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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