I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
