Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
