I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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