Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
