I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
