im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
