well I can't set my house on fire every night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
operation have a gay friend backfired
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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