just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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