Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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