I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Of course I have a pirate flag
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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