im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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