My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
FUCK WHALES
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
