I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
