You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
