Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
