Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
